A 'God'ston Tea Party
by Amilianna
Summary: The Gods have a tea party... what else? :)


**Disclaimer: If you're reading this fan fiction, then you obviously know that these characters are not mine. If you haven't come to this realization yet, then you better stop reading now, go out, buy the books, read those and then come back and read my fan fiction. I mean, I might be good, but I'm no where near the talent of the actual authors.**

On a side note, this is meant to be funny if I offend someone, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Please just take this in the context that it was meant. Humor. Besides, if we can't laugh at ourselves, how can we ever hope to laugh at anything else?

*****

It's interesting the things one can hear when listening in on a tea party. Well, I've always found them interesting anyway. Especially the tea parties of the God's.

They don't call them tea parties, of course. It's too "ungodly". They need to call them "divine conclaves" or some other such nonsense. Well, I'm sorry, but even if you are divine beings, and grown-ups besides, when you sit around with your buddies and drink tea while having polite conversation and finger sandwiches, it's a tea party.

I think one of the most interesting conversations I ever heard them have was after I had left that cozy little room on top of the mountain. I really wanted to tell Belgarion that the magic in the room was mine, but since he never listens to me anyway, I decided not to bother.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Tea party eavesdropping. See, even after I left that little cave, I could still hear and see everything that went on inside it. I wonder what Belgarion would have thought if I had told him that that was where I went when I 'left' him. I'm sure he would have used it to justify his own eavesdropping to Polgara. Boys are like that.

So, as I was saying, the tea party in question was during my stay with Riva Irongrip. Nice boy, really. Not a lot of imagination, but a nice boy none-the-less. I had already cracked the world and chastized Torak, and wanted to see what was going on with the Gods on that score. Gods are so hard to keep track of when they aren't walking the Earth. _Sigh._ So, I listened in on their annual "divine conclave".

I was surprised to see everyone there. Especially Torak. He was really on the outs with the other Gods. And with me, as well. Do you even **understand** how uncomfortable that sardine can he kept me in was? He wasn't really contrite. To be perfectly honest, he wasn't even there. He probably felt it was safe, just sending his projection, since that was all the other Gods could send as well. Well, they didn't tear him apart limb from limb, a fact that most distressed me. They actually heard him out. It was an interesting little rant. Torak has always been an excellent whiner.

"Torak! What art thou doing in this place? Doest thou not know that we art irate with thee?" Aldur spoke first. To his credit, he sounded more than slightly miffed. He always was my favorite.

"My brothers! Do not send me away, for I have come with a heavy heart to ask of thee a thing which doth pain me to put to words. My people have placed apon me a burden which I feel I can not bear. They have demanded that I take a wife!" You know, I actually felt sorry for the old boy. A wife was just what Torak would never want. He didn't even want a mistress. Well, not a _female_ mistress at any rate. What would a male mistress be? I guess I could just say concubine. And he already had plenty of those.

"I doth laugh at thee, Torak One-Eye! I doth rejoyce in thy misfortune! An' I shall e'en help ye! I shall gift unto thee one of my buxom daughters! Their flaxen hair and milk-maid skin shall be as a balm to thy troubled soul!" Belar laughed. He was drunk. He was **always** drunk.

"Thou dost laugh at mine misfortune!" Torak cried.

"I shall not laugh at thy misfortune, O Accursed One. I mourn for the misfortune of which ever of thy followers thou doest bestow this horrendeous task apon!" Mara raged, then she turned on her heel and went back into the back room with the little stream. Mara had always been emotional. Well, I guess you can't expect anything else. Being the only Godess, and having six brothers, had to be hard on the girl.

"Nedra! Let me take on of thy daughters to wife! They are small and boyish. Please, at least give me that small comfort in this, my most accursed task!" Torak pleaded with the brother closest to him in age.

Nedra actually considered it for a moment. Yet, I knew he would never relent. He loved his children with a passion only second to that of Mara, and would never force one of them to the task of marrying his horrid brother. "I will bargin with thee, brother. I will give unto thee a daughter of my most homly line, if thou wouldst relent in thy desire for The Orb." The offer actually made Torak wince.

One-Eye didn't even answer his brother, but turned to Issa with a plea. "Surely, among thy women are some which would be homly enough that I could take one to wife and not feel the repulsion of lying with them?" He begged.

Issa smiled, his snake-like mouth curving upwards as he considered it. "Behold, Immortal Salmissra, and tell me, brother, if thou woulds't have a handmaiden from amonst my people!" One look at the beautiful woman was all Torak needed to disuade him.

There was only one other option open to him, and he didn't relish it in the least. He looked apon Aldur with eyes streaming tears of blood. "Doest thou hate me so much, brother, that thou woulds't deny me this aide?" He asked, his voice made small by defeat.

Aldur considered it for a moment. "I have no people from which you might choose a bride, Torak." He said gravely. "Even should I want to help thee, I could not."

A gleam came into Torak's one remaining eye then. He had been building up to this all along. Saving his **real** request for the end, when it appeared to be his only option. "But, this is not true, brother! Thou doest have in thy few peoples a girl-child of great homlyness. She doth look so boyish, infact, that e'en were I to look at her, I could not tell the differance at a glance. It is she that I shall take to bride! And in her boyishness shall I be made pleased e'en though she be a woman. And then shall the people of Angarak be pleased and shall they no more press their _beautiful_ daughters into my chambers."

Aldur, naturally, saw through the charade instantly. "Thou doest speak of my daughter, Polgara. Thou hast wanted her from the instant thou did request this of us. Thy tried to trick me, thy brother, into agreeing with thee. I will have none of it! I will not force my child to become thy bride, Torak!" He practically raged.

"Thy shall have no need to force her, Aldur! The girl-child Polgara will come to me and be my bride of her own will! I shall see it so, Aldur!" Torak screamed in a high-pitched whine, his temper broken at being denied and his scheme found out. "I will! I will! I will!" With each statement he jumped up and down, pounding his feet into the floor.

"Enough! If my daughter Polgara doth consent to take you to husband, then thou mayest have her to wife, Torak. Yet, thou shouldst be warned, for what you wish for, thou may be granted!" And with that, Aldur and the other Gods winked out. They didn't even stay for their tea, which was left cooling on the table, along with the bowl of fruit they had brought in. Torak took himself off in a huff, muttering oaths before he recalled his projection.

It's probably a good thing that Polgara stopped Silk from eatting that fruit. After sitting there for so long, it was sure to be rotten.


End file.
